A Nativity Story
by entwined-in-a-web
Summary: We all know how Christmas began! Over 2000 years ago in that little town of Bethlehem!...but it may not have happened exactly as you remember it.  Awful summary sorry...REVIEW PLEASE!


**A/N: Ok, I realize not EVERYONE on here is Catholic/Christian. But, I am so…lol**

**I don't mean to impose any of my beliefs on anyone! Just felt like writing a nice Christmas fic! Anyone seen The Nativity Story? It's pretty much like that…only Natified. XD**

**So yeah! Enjoy!**

**And Happy Holidays! (I wanted to mention them all but then I realized it was pointless cuz Hanukkah already ended…) **

**So to ElianaMargalit, Happy Hanukkah! I don't think I got a chance to tell you earlier XD**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**WARNING: I'd give this a T+…a bit of sexual humor**

**Disclaimer: *to the tune of 'The 12 Days of Christmas'***

**ME: On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a Dr. Fine in a pear tree.**

**Gabe: Wait. What?**

**Me: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two Natalies and a Dr. Fine in a pear tree. On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three Henrys, two Natalies and a Dr. Fine in a pear tree!**

**Gabe: This is just embarrassing.**

**Me: On the fourth day of Christmas the composers gave to me the rights to Next to Normal-!**

**Gabe: STOP! You DON'T own Next to Normal!**

**Me :Crap…. There goes my Henrys, Natalies, and Dr. Fine in a tree.**

**Dr. Fine: Can someone get me down?**

About 2000 years ago, in the land of Israel, there lived a young girl named Natalie from Nazareth. Natalie was a very special girl who lived with her parents in their little village. She was to be married to a carpenter named Henry who lived in the village as well.

One day, Natalie was off doing…stuff when suddenly she saw a bright light coming right towards her. So she did what she knew she would do and fucking panicked. The light seemed to get closer and closer and out of the blue there was a boy dressed in white staring down at her.

"Hello, Natalie!" he said. "My name is Gabriel."

"The angel?" she asked.

"No. Your dead brother."

"I had a brother?"

"NEVER MIND! I'm here to tell you that you have been chosen to be the mother of God!"

She looked around cautiously before continuing. "Go on…"

"You will bear in your womb a child and he shall be the Son of God and you shall name him Jesus!"

"Ok, wait. So what you're saying is that I'm pregnant?"

Gabriel shrugged and said, "I guess."

"How can I be pregnant if I'm a virgin? It's like the rules of biology!"

"Well, you know what? God is cooler than biology and he can do whatever he feels is best."

"Ok, so I'm magically gonna become pregnant. Whose baby is it?"

"It's God's son."

"EEW!"

Gabriel rolled his eye and sighed. "OH MY…" but he stopped himself before he said the Lord's name in vain. "Goody-goody-gumdrops. God has chosen you over all other women in the world to bear his Son! And look. Even your incredibly nerdy cousin Cheryl got some. If ya know what I mean…" he winked suggestively.

"Um, Cheryl had sex?"

"Well, technically no."

"Oh, so she's having a magical pregnancy too."

"It's not magic! It's God's will!"

"Um, ok…Well, I guess I'll do it. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

Suddenly a huge crowd of people swarmed around into a huge circle in the middle of the circle was a girl probably about her age. Everyone had big-ass stones in their hands. She noticed Henry with the crowd, but standing sort of far back, appalled by this.

"Hey, Henry…what's going on?" she asked.

"Oh. Well, Betsy here got pregnant out of wedlock and now everyone's stoning her to death."

"Stoning?" She stuttered. "Fuck."

"What was that?"

"I said….duck. Yeah. Duck. 'Cause there's a guy behind you with a big-ass stone."

She looked around to see if Gabriel was still there, hoping she could take her word back. But he was gone.

A few months went by and no one really seemed to know that Natalie was pregnant. She had gone to visit her nerdy cousin Cheryl, who was also pregnant. But luckily for Cheryl, she was about 25 and married to the guy whose ancestors invented fire.

"Cheryl!" Natalie shouted as she saw her cousin.

"Natalie! I-!" Cheryl stopped and put her hand to her stomach. "My baby kicked as soon as he heard your voice!"

"Um, all babies do that, Cheryl."

"Darn…"

So Natalie remained with her cousin for the rest of her pregnancy. Unfortunately she learned that babies were not produced from the stork but from her…um…hoohoo. This only scared the shit out of her more. So after Cheryl's son was born, they threw Natalie out and brought her back to her village.

"PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK! I DON'T WANNA BE STONED!" She begged as they dropped her off.

"What about being stoned?" a voice asked. She turned around, her eyes widened, especially since she saw it was Henry.

"Nothing…"

"Hey, um…did you get really fat?"

"Gee, thanks Henry…" she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"I dunno…Maybe the fact that your stomach is protruding from underneath your sack-like dress. Either that or I'd say you're pregnant." Then he began to laugh at his own dumb joke.

She laughed along awkwardly. "Hehe…yeah…pregnant…"

He just stopped and realized. "OH MY GOD YOU ARE PREGNANT!"

"Surprise…" she cheered quietly, hoping no one else heard.

But within the next five minutes she was at home being scolded.

"So wait…" her father said again. "So an angel of your dead brother said you were magically gonna be pregnant?"

"Well, it's not magic. It's God." She repeated emotionlessly.

"Are you sure you're not just saying that to cover up for unruly behavior?"

"Yes!"

He shrugged and turned to Henry and said, "If ya wanna stone her, go ahead."

"DAD!"

Henry looked around uncomfortably. "Nah…I'll just…" he sniffled. "DIVORCE HER!" then he broke out into the waterworks.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Henry, you can just raise the baby with me."

"Uh, no. That would be lying."

"How does that-? Or right. Ancient times."

So Henry ran off crying. That night he was sleeping when all of the sudden Gabriel appeared in his dreams.

"So YOU'RE the asshole who's marrying my sister…" he said.

"Um, yes. Who are you?"

"I'm Gabriel. I come from God. He says to raise the baby with Natalie and that she has been telling the truth. Don't make me haunt your dreams again. Bye."

The next morning, Henry ran over to Natalie's house and told her the good news.

"He kind of creeped me out, but yeah!"

She just smiled and hugged him. "Oh Henry! I knew you'd believe me!"

"Well, good cuz now we have to Bethlehem."

She just stood there in confusion. "Um…why?"

"Because the king's having a census and I need to go back to where I was born."

"Are you sure it's just not because they mention it in Spring Awakening?"

"THAT'S AN ADDED BONUS!"

So they got packed up, grabbed an ass (I mean…donkey) and headed off. They walked for days….and days….and days….

The finally reached the city of Bethlehem late one night.

"Henry!" she yelled at him after he stopped and turned around to look at the donkey again. "Just walk."  
"No! It's back sassing me! I know it!"

"IT'S A FRIGGEN' ASS!"

"SO AM I!"

"WHAT DOES THAT-!" But all of the sudden she just stopped. "Uh, Henry. I think I just peed my pants."

"Um, eew. Too much information."

"No wait…" She tried to remember back to when Cheryl had this same symptom. "Ah. That's it. I'M HAVING A FUCKING BABY!"

"WHAT?" He panicked. "BUT WHERE'S THE STORK?"

"IT DOESN'T COME FROM A STORK IT COMES FROM-!" she whispered the last part in his ear.

"HOLY FUCK!"

"Yeah…I know…"

"WHAT DO WE DO?" He saw a sign for an inn and pounded on the door.

"What?" the innkeeper said.

"MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY FROM HER DINGDONG!"

"Fuck off, bum."

Then he shut the door on him. So Henry tried another inn.

"MY WIFE IS HAVING A-!" but the door was slammed in his face before he could finish. "How rude!"

"HENRY!" Natalie called, going through labor on a donkey.

"Oh right. Gotcha." He looked around. "Hey! That looks like the perfect place to deliver a child!" He pointed to an abandoned stable filled with diseased animals and cow crap.

"Oh, we're screwed…" she sighed and he began to tug them over to the stable. He picked her up from the donkey and gently laid her on a bale of hay.

"Um, ok…" he wondered out loud. "Now how does it come out?"

"I don't know!" She yelled through clenched teeth.

He grabbed her legs and propped them open. "Well, let me look…"

"NO! HENRY! STOP!"

But…she was too late. "Well, are you sure this is where it's supposed to come out? Because it's really tiny in there…"

"Ok, EEW. Didn't need to know that."

"WAIT A SECOND! IT'S GETTING BIGGER!" His eyes widened with slight amazement. "It's magical…"

She didn't know what to do now, so she followed her instincts and began to push the kid out. It…hurt…

"HOLY CRAP! IT'S HEAD CAME OUT!" Henry shouted happily.

"WHAT?"

"KEEP DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING!"

And so….she did just that. And finally the baby was born! He was crying as he was placed into Natalie's arms.

"Look how cute he is…" She sighed.

"Yeah…He needs a name."

"His name is Jesus." She said happily.

"I think he looks more like a Carlos."

She gave him a glare and he backed up a bit. "Henry, I swear to God, if you start singing "Mama Who Bore Me" I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Yes, ma'am…"

And soon all the shepherds and the angels came to praise the birth of baby Jesus!

"Do we know these people?" Natalie whispered, a little nervous about having strange men around her baby.

"No idea…"

And songs of praise rang out into the Heavens and…well, the rest is history.

**A/N: So…what did you think? XD**

**Reviews?**


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